“He just needs to play with more dogs.”
If you’ve got a reactive dog, I’d bet you’ve heard this one. From a friend, a neighbour, someone at the park whose dog is bouncing all over yours. And I understand why it sounds right. Dogs are social, so more social time should fix social problems… shouldn’t it?
Not quite. Play can help. But for most reactive dogs, play isn’t where the work starts.
Yes, play has its place
Good, well-matched play can teach a dog a lot. They learn to read a play bow, to take turns chasing, to back off when the other dog says “that’s enough”. Those social cues matter.
But here’s the thing: a dog can only learn from play if they can think during play. And a lot of the dogs I work with can’t, because their arousal is through the roof before the game has even started.
Not every dog is a playmate
Every dog you pass on a walk isn’t automatically a good match for yours. Some dogs play too rough, some don’t listen when your dog says “enough”, and some are just as over the top as yours. A bad meeting can teach your dog bad social habits, or leave them scared of other dogs for a long time.
What you’re really looking for is a few long-term relationships: steady, well-matched dogs your dog gets to know over time. That’s where dogs learn to respect each other’s space, read each other properly and actually enjoy each other’s company. A handful of good dog friends is worth far more than a hundred random hellos.
The real problem: arousal
Arousal is simply how “switched on” your dog is. Some excitement is normal and healthy. The problem is the dog who can’t come back down.
In my experience, the dogs who can’t settle or switch off are usually the ones who tip things over. Not because they’re “bad” dogs, but because they’ve got no room left for good choices. That’s when you see:
- Pushy behaviour – body-slamming, mounting, not taking “no” for an answer
- Jealousy – guarding you, a ball, or the other dog’s attention
- Overcorrections – a telling-off that’s way bigger than the situation called for
- Fights – play that escalates until it isn’t play anymore
Throwing that dog into more play doesn’t teach them social skills. It just gives them more practice at being over the top. So before anything else, we work on the arousal: teaching your dog to settle, to switch off, and to come back down after something exciting.
Neutral is a social skill too
We tend to think of a “social” dog as one who wants to say hello to everyone. But some of the most socially skilled dogs I know are the ones who can see another dog, notice it, and carry on sniffing the grass.
When you train your dog to be neutral around other dogs, and to choose to move away from situations that are getting too exciting, you’re not making them less social. You’re giving them more social skills. Walking away is a choice a well-adjusted dog makes all the time.
Trust: the recall you’ve already practised
Here’s where it all comes together. If you’ve practised calling your dog away from exciting things when it’s easy, you build something really valuable: trust.
So when you’re watching your dog play and you notice it starting to escalate (the play gets rougher, one dog keeps pinning the other, the bows have stopped), you can call your dog over and know they’ll come. Not because they’ve been told off, but because coming back to you has always been a good thing.
That recall doesn’t appear in the moment you need it. It’s built in all the calm, boring moments before.
Reactivity is more than being “socially pleasant”
A reactive dog isn’t just a dog who hasn’t met enough dogs. Reactivity is a mix of things: arousal, frustration, fear, a lack of impulse control, and how much your dog trusts you to handle things. Being friendly with other dogs is only one small piece of that.
Start with your own dog
This is the bit that can feel uncomfortable, and I say it with kindness. The work really starts when we look at our own dog’s behaviour, rather than putting it all on the world: the off-lead dog, the rude Spaniel, the owner who didn’t call theirs back.
Yes, other dogs and owners can make things harder. But you can’t control them. You can control how ready your dog is to cope.
And please, be careful with freedom. Too much freedom without control is far too risky, for your dog and for everyone else’s. Freedom is something your dog earns as their skills grow.
Where to start this week
- Watch your dog’s “cup”. Notice what fills it up, and how long it takes them to settle afterwards.
- Practise switching off. Reward calm moments: lying down, sniffing, a big sigh.
- Practise recall when it’s easy. Call, reward, let them go again. Lots of times, in boring places, before you ever need it around dogs.
- Reward neutral. Your dog looks at another dog and looks away? That’s a win. Mark it.
This takes time, and that’s okay. Real progress isn’t always a straight line, and that’s normal too.
Want some help with this?
If this sounds like your dog, I’d love to chat. A free discovery call is the easiest place to start, and from there we can look at whether a Walk With Mwaki, the Calm & Connect Group or Urban Neutrality Walks would suit your dog best.
Understanding your dog changes everything.
– Nyangi, Droopy Chaos Dog Training
