Your dog is talking to you all day long.
Most of it isn’t barking. It’s a lick of the lips when someone leans over them. A head turn when another dog gets too close. A body that goes still for half a second before everything kicks off.
I hear “it came out of nowhere” every single week. And nearly every time, it didn’t. The dog was talking. Quietly at first, then a bit louder, then very loudly, and nobody had ever shown their human how to listen.
That’s not a telling-off. Most of us were never taught this stuff. We were taught that a wagging tail means happy, that a growl is naughty and that a good dog does what they’re told. So let’s fix that.
This is the page I send to everyone who is just starting to understand their dog. Have a scroll, tap on things, play with the dog. By the end, I promise you’ll look at your own dog a little differently.
Dogs talk in three ways
Dogs don’t have words, so they use everything else. When I’m reading a dog, I’m watching three things at once:
Facial cues
The face is usually where the first, quietest signals show up. They’re quick, sometimes less than a second, so you have to get into the habit of looking.
Soft eyes
Relaxed, slightly squinty, blinking normally. The whole face looks loose and a bit gormless, in the best way.
Hard stare
Eyes locked on, unblinking, pupils often bigger. The face goes still. This dog is fixated, not relaxed.
Whale eye
You can see the whites of the eye because the head is turning away but the eyes are staying on the thing that worries them.
Ears pulled back
Ears drawn back and flattened against the head. Worry, fear or “please don’t”. Got a droopy-eared dog like mine? Watch the base of the ear, not the tip.
Ears forward
Ears lifted or pushed forward. Interest and focus. Not bad on its own, but it tells you arousal is on its way up.
Lip licking
A quick flick of the tongue over the lips or nose when there’s no food around. One of the most common “I’m a bit uncomfortable” signals.
Yawning
Not always tired. A stress yawn happens at moments of pressure: the vet, a hug, a tense greeting, being told off.
Tight mouth & tense brow
The mouth snaps shut, lips tighten and the brow wrinkles. A dog panting softly who suddenly closes their mouth has noticed something.
Body language cues
Step back and look at the shape of the whole dog. Where is the weight? Is the body soft and curvy, or stiff and straight? What’s the tail doing, and how high is it compared to normal for your dog?
Loose & wiggly
Curvy, bendy body, weight spread evenly, fluid movement. The tail swings in a wide, easy wag.
Weight shifted back
Leaning away from something, even a tiny bit. Your dog is saying “I’d rather not” without making a fuss.
Weight forward & stiff
Up on their toes, leaning in, body rigid. Arousal is high and your dog may be getting ready to act.
Low body, tucked tail
Making themselves smaller, tail clamped low or between the legs. This is a worried dog.
High, stiff tail
High tail with a short, fast wag (or no wag at all). A wagging tail is not always a happy dog. It just means emotion is happening.
Hackles up
Fur raised along the shoulders or back. Hackles mean arousal: fear, excitement or uncertainty. Not automatically aggression.
Paw lift
One front paw lifted and held, often with a lowered head. Uncertainty: “I’m not sure about this.”
Behaviour: what they do
Some of the clearest messages aren’t a single signal but an action. A lot of these get labelled as rude, stubborn or naughty, when really they’re a dog trying to cope.
Sudden sniffing
Suddenly fascinated by a patch of grass as another dog walks past? Often it’s a way of looking busy and avoiding conflict.
Shaking off
A full-body shake when they’re not wet. The reset button after something stressful. A good sign they’re processing it.
Turning away
Turning the head or the whole body away from a dog or person. Polite dog for “please give me some space”.
Pacing & can’t settle
Up, down, round the room. Can’t lie down, can’t switch off. The body is still on high alert.
“Ignoring” you
The dog who knows sit at home but won’t do it at the park isn’t being stubborn. When arousal goes up, the ability to listen goes down.
Frantic or “hyper”
Zoomies at the wrong moment, jumping up, grabbing the lead, mouthing. Over-arousal often gets called naughty or excited when it’s a dog who can’t cope.
Scratching & sudden grooming
Stopping mid-walk to scratch or lick themselves when nothing is itchy. A little displacement to release tension.
Panting, whining, drooling
Heavy panting when it isn’t hot, whining, drool, sweaty paw prints on the vet table. The body is telling you what the dog can’t.
The ladder of arousal
When a dog is under pressure, their signals usually build up step by step, like climbing a ladder. The bottom rungs are quiet and polite. The top rungs are loud and scary. Your job is to notice the bottom rungs, so your dog never needs the top ones.
Tap each rung (start at the bottom) and watch how the dog changes, or press play to climb the whole ladder.
1. Calm & relaxed
- 1. Calm & relaxed (Coping): Soft eyes, loose open mouth (maybe a gentle pant), ears natural, body wiggly, tail at its natural height in a wide sweep. “I’m fine. I can think, learn and enjoy this.” This is where learning happens.
- 2. Alert & interested (Coping): Head up, ears forward, mouth closes, a moment of stillness, tail lifts a little. “Ooh, what’s that?” Arousal is going up but your dog can still think.
- 3. Calming signals (Early stress): Lip licks, yawns, blinking, looking away, sniffing the ground, moving slowly. “I’m a bit uncomfortable. Can we bring this down a notch?”
- 4. Turning away & avoiding (Early stress): Turning the head or body away, walking off, a paw lift, sitting or lying down when you’re asking them to come closer. “I’d really rather not.”
- 5. Worried (Struggling): Ears back, whale eye, body low, tail tucked, trembling, hiding behind you. Or the opposite: pulling, whining, frantic. “I’m not coping with this.”
- 6. Freeze & stiffen (Struggling): Body goes rigid, hard stare, mouth clamped shut, weight forward, tail stiff, hackles may lift. The last quiet warning before the noise starts. It might only last a split second.
- 7. Growl, lip curl, bark (Over threshold): Growling, lifting the lip, showing teeth, warning barks. “Back off. I mean it.”
- 8. Lunge & snap (Over threshold): Lunging on the lead, air snaps, explosive barking, spinning. “Nothing I said lower down worked. I’ve run out of options.”
- 9. Bite (Last resort): Contact with teeth. The very last thing a dog does. Almost every bite comes after lots of the signals further down this ladder.
Adapted from Kendal Shepherd’s Canine Ladder of Aggression, reframed around arousal and coping.
The stress cup
“He was fine with that dog yesterday!” Sound familiar? Stress stacks up. Every little thing goes into your dog’s cup, and the cup doesn’t empty straight away. When it’s already full, it only takes one small thing to make it spill over.
Add your dog’s day to the cup:
Coping vs struggling
Coping
- Soft, blinking eyes
- Loose or gently open mouth
- Curvy, wiggly body
- Can sniff, explore and take food
- Responds when you speak to them
- Can look at something, then look away
- Shakes off and moves on
Struggling
- Hard stare or whale eye
- Tight, closed mouth or heavy panting
- Stiff, low or leaning body
- Won’t take food they’d normally love
- Can’t hear you, “ignoring” cues
- Can’t look away from the trigger
- Pacing, frantic, can’t settle afterwards
Common misreads
Tap each one to see what’s really going on.
A wagging tail means a happy dog.
He’s yawning, he must be tired.
She’s being stubborn. She knows this.
Hackles up means he’s being aggressive.
I need to stop the growling.
It came out of nowhere.
When you see the signals
You don’t need to be an expert to help your dog. You need to notice, and then respond kindly. Emotional regulation comes before obedience, every time.
Notice
Learn what calm looks like in your dog. Film them at home and on walks. You’ll start spotting the changes much sooner.
Give space
Distance is the kindest, quickest tool you have. Step away, cross the road, turn round. No drama needed.
Lower the pressure
Drop your demands. A stressed dog can’t think, so this isn’t the time for “sit”, “leave it” or a telling-off.
Help them recover
Sniffing, chewing, rest and a quiet day or two. Then think about what filled the cup, and plan around it next time.
Spot the signal
Three real-life moments. What would you do?
1. A friend leans over your dog to stroke her head. She licks her lips and turns her head away. What is she telling you?
2. On a walk, your dog spots another dog. He goes completely still, stares, and his mouth snaps shut. What’s your next move?
3. Your dog growls when the kids climb onto the sofa next to him. What’s the best response?
Want help reading your dog?
Reading a diagram is one thing. Reading your own dog, on your own street, with your own triggers, is another. That’s exactly what the Relationship Reset is for. I come to you, watch how your dog communicates, and we work out together what they’ve been trying to tell you and what to do about it.
It’s my recommended starting point for anyone who wants a calmer dog and a better relationship with them.
Find out about the Relationship Reset →
